One month has passed since I started my life in Tokyo and I have finally started to get used to the everyday life; my room and the area I live in feel like home, work is fun and I’m meeting with people once in a while while maintaining my daily routines.
At the same time, the more time passes the more I struggle with my own expectations of living in Japan. Although I’m not here as a tourist or a student this time I keep catching myself thinking that my time here will come to an end in a blink of an eye, so I have become obsessed with experiences and making plans- to the point that I stress other people about it and don’t truly enjoy myself.
I have always been kind of an obsessive personality; I get obsessed with tv shows, food, events and especially experiences. I also have a serious case of FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out), which doesn’t help.
So I’ve noticed this especially lately when my boyfriend came to visit me for the weekend: I was so pumped and made all this amazing plans to keep us busy the whole time he was here, when he just wanted to spend time with me. Obviously I didn’t think about him or what he wanted to do so all my plans failed. I felt so anxious that we were ‘missing out on the fun’ that I didn’t even properly enjoy our time together and instead wasted it being sad that we missed these ‘once in a lifetime experiences’.
I remember being really shocked to be told that ‘You don’t really want to spend time with me’. Mostly because I wanted to say that it wasn’t true, but I couldn’t. Although I was telling myself that this was for the both of us, I wasn’t really thinking about him when making all these plans; I was just obsessed to check them out of my bucket list.
I feel like a lot of people might find themselves in this circle of ‘living life to the fullest’, especially with social media getting so instant (Twitter, IG stories etc.). And although social media brings a lot of happiness to my life (mostly cute dogs and food), it doesn’t represent the true me and I feel like I need to take a step back from it time to time. But it’s not social media that I’m blaming, it’s just my obsessive personality.
But in the end, experiences might be once in a lifetime thing, but relationships last forever (if you put the effort in). So from now on I want to value my loved ones even more and just enjoy my time here. Just like how we gave up on all the plans with my boyfriend and ordered pizza to the hotel room, watching TV the whole night.
Sorry if my blog posts are not super happy but I’m taking this as a chance to grow as a person and putting my thoughts into words really helps 🙂 Hopefully somebody can relate!